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Monday, August 30, 2004

11:44PM - I also didn't make the Masters of fanstasy contest winners, I think I am retireing.

There are a few of you out there that think there are no penalties from us missing deadlines or more specifically missing Gencon. Well I just wanted to voice what we missed…

- There where less than 5 new RPGs released for Gencon. So they all received premiere status at the convention which included free time on the web cast and announcements over the PA system for any events at the convention.

- GenCon Indy was the best convention in the history of the GPA.

- Everyone in the GPA booth out sold there expectations. Specifically everyone sold better than 1,000 copies of there games.

- Most booths did as much sales in four hours as they did in all four days of Origins.

Ok, I know that I am as much to blame as anyone else. I just wanted to share with everyone what we missed out on.


Sunday, August 29, 2004

3:18PM - Bad Bear Day

well, some of it any way. Sandie left to go to a memorial service, and then all hell broke loose.
we had a young raccoon in our plum tree, and it's mother attacked our dog Trauma, last night, at about 2 or so. Bunches of shit happened after that. finally got back to sleep.

today, Raccoon still in tree, Trauma is tied up, Sandie is gone. I am getting ready to leave my self, when Trauma starts makeing a huge ruckus, I look out the back window to se that somehow the dog has gotten off his collar, and is at the base of the tree going bugshit. I go out to catch hium, and he gets a little vicious towards me when I try to grab him.

One of the nieghbors comes out on her back porch, and says that She doesn't know what I am doing to the dog, but she is calling the cops. well, that is the last thing that I want happening, as if they showed up, they would probably shoot the dog caus e he is so big and wild. I can't get anywhere near the dog, he barks and growls, and snaps at me whenever I get near him or the tree.

The tree is only about 5 or so feet away from the fence, and the dog that lives in that yard was in the house, so I figure I will try to gt the raccoon to go into thier yard. nothing I could find was long enough to do the trick, and Trauma is freeking out even more. I tried makeing a noose, to catch the raccoon, but there would be no way for me to free it without either the dog or it injuring me.

The nieghbor comes back out to tell me that the cops are on thier way. I told her she should just mind her own fucking business, and that I am trying to take care of the situation. She told me she was going to send her husband over to kick my ass when he got home. I said "Sure, I could use the money from a personal injury claim, and She could go pick her husband up from the police station the next day." "in the mean time, she should just go into her house, and leave me the fuck alone."

So I go into the garage, and I find a really long pole, abut 12 ft long, and went back outside, put the pole underneath the raccoon, and launched the little fucker into the air about 5 ft, and then it droped into the bushes on the other side of the fence. TRauma tackles me, and tries to use me as a ramp to get into the nieghbors yard. I get up, and back into the house. Trauma cams down, and then the cops show up.

they ask whats going on, I tell them, about the racoon, and the dog, and that the dog was injured last night, but that I chased the raccoon out of the yard finnaly. The older of the two cops tells me about how his dog got torn up pretty good by a raccoon a couple of years ago. and that his dog still goes apeshit everytime a raccoon comes near thier yard. they were pretty cool about it, didn't want to see the dog, or the yard. told me to call animal control next time. I let them know they were closed on the weekends. they got in thier car and left.

So everything is back to normal, except I have re-injured my hand, and the dog is still loose, and I am very tired.

Friday, August 27, 2004

12:24AM - OK everyone this is it.

Iv'e got alot to say, I don't quite know where to start, so I just will.

I know most of you miss the Bear of old, I miss him too, but I am just not that person anymore...Can anyone of you say that you are the same person you were when we first met? If you are then I feel sorry for you...I hope that you all have grown in some way, made something more of yourself...someone who is ready to grow some more.

I am ready to grow some more. I'm tired of trying to figure out how to be that guy I was ten years ago, that guy had a lot of heart, and happiness, but he didn't know shit! He was flakey as all hell, and didn't deserve the friends that he had. Have you all forgotten all the times I pissed you off back then. I was constantly stirring the shit with everyone around me, to get what I wanted. That guy was a greedy bastard through and through, he just did it with flare, and style...It was all about illusion. Then over time the world got too real.

My life fell apart, I ran away. I got better, then I let everything fall apart again. I ran away. Then some serious shit happened to me, and I started to grow. I found true love...first in myself, and then in someone else. I found that I was more than what I was by myself, and that I wanted to become even more than that. I felt so powerful and untouchable, that I fell back into the behaviors that consistantly led to everything falling apart. Things came to a boil, and I stepped up, and stopped the worst of them, and with the help of true love, I became less flakey, and more serious about the changes I wanted for myself, and worked harder to realize goals that were set.

Somewhere along the line, that love failed from lack of trust, things real or imagined, doesn't really matter now, but it wasn't the same. Nothing was the same. So I through myself into working harder, accomplishing more, trying to replace what I was rapidly loseing inside, by looking into a distorted mirror, and useing drugs to make it all seem clear, and fine. I found a new power there, one that no-one could take away from me. There I was...Master of my own vast kingdom, ruling over a land populated by ghosts, and memories, and faded dreams. Whenever I saw the truth, I would run away, get high, and dance till the dawn with the splendidly dressed demons in my mind.

Then I stopped getting high, and saw that I had nothing left. My world was black and burned. I was a victim of my own holocaust. I had no love, no light, and no life.
I spurned the responsibilities that I felt brought me to that point, and once again ran away.

I have since tried desperately to find a way to become that silly old Bear that everyone loved, and missed. Until today. I have found that I will never be him, nor do I want to be.

I am ready to grow, I am ready to leave my depression behind, I am ready to be Bear Brown. I am not quite sure exactly who he is, but here I am.

You know what? I need help. I need help to get where I want to go. I can't do it on my own, I've tried that, I will just end up running away again. I want to be happy.

I know now what truely makes me happy...Inspireing others. That's what I am here for. When I see someone stretch beyond what they thought they could do, because of something I did, or said, or made...That's the best drug of all. Why do you think I am so driven to constantly improve upon what I have wrought before? I am trying to show everyone that they too are capable of being more than what they were before.

I used to have great faith in the world, I felt that if I could just show people that anything was possible, then everyone would jump at the chance to make things better for themselves, and others.

Then the world was shadowed by the schemes and actions of a few wealthy, selfish individuals, who convinced the world that we would not be safe, happy, or free, unless we did what they told us to do. Holy Hell, the world fell all over itself to give up those very things we already had. It's been 4 years, are we any Safer? Are we any Happier? My god, look at all the freedoms we now have! Are you not glad we did what we were told instead of thinking for ourselves. Why, just look at how prosperus we all are. Look at how many jobs have been created. Look at how healthy we all are. If any of you honestly believe we are better off now, than before. Can I please get high on whatever it is you are taking? And if you don't believe it, what are you doing to change it? I can honestly say, from where I am sitting, everyone is just struggling to keep what they have now, and getting depressed that nothing they do for themselves is making a difference. Everyone is pulling apart, and waiting for something to happen.

Well I'm tired of waiting, I am ready to do what it takes to get happy, and healthy, and prosper... I am also keenly aware that I can't do that by myself. there is not one single person on this earth that can. Guess what? there are 6 billion people on this earth, and 5 billion, 999 million, 990 thousand people can do alot more together than the 10,000 rich, and powerful people we all let bully us around.

If General Custer thought he was a little outnumbered, well, you do the math. I find myself thinking that if everyone who wanted to be happy, healthy, and safe were inspired to reach beyond themselves to acheive those goals, I am so glad I am not rich and powerful, and greedy.

I guess all I am asking for is to find inspiration in all of you, so we can give that same gift to the rest of the world, and create something together that would inspire the universe itself.

Thursday, August 26, 2004


I just don't know.

3:21PM - Preditor?

Well, their whole race is devoted to big game hunting, and they have dreadlocks...I think the Name of their race must be...Rasta-Safarians..(Please don't hurt me!)


2:45AM - HELP!!!!

I was just about to go to bed, and I was trying to work on some art, on my Toshiba Portege M205-S810, and suddenly from nowhere, a crack just shot down through the middle of my 12.1 SXGA+ LCD display. I am rather freaked out about this, as I don't have a clue what to do about it, it looks like it is just running through the plastic tablet screen covering the LCD, there is nothing wrong with the picture, just this crack. will it hurt my computer to use it at all with this crack? will I have to repalce my Whole LCD? or since it is meant to be written on, and the "pen" interface causes scratches on the plastic screen, is this part meant to be replaceable without replaceing the whole LCD screen? I have been to the toshiba site, and about fifty other sites trying to find info on this, and I can't find anything helpful. I don't know what to do, I absolutley need to use it for my work, and have found the prospect of not being able to use it even for a short time unbearable. It's the only way I have of communicating with all of you, and I'm kinda freaking out here...HELP!!!

Wednesday, August 25, 2004



Tuesday, August 24, 2004

5:23PM - What do you think?...Is it me?

Description of Your First Name of: Bear
Although the name Bear creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, it can cause an unscrupulous, materialistic approach that frustrates higher humanitarian qualities. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the reproductive system, worry, and mental tension.
Your name Bear gives you a strong sense of responsibility in business and material affairs, and the practicality and determination to make a success of anything you undertake. Your ability to organize and direct the efforts of others enables you to excel in any managerial position because you have the ability to grasp the concept of a goal complete with an understanding of the steps to be taken. This name has allowed you to develop depth and breadth of mind. You are able to retain facts, to grasp new information to your existing store of knowledge.


5:26AM - FuckanA...

I can't believe I woke up.

Monday, August 23, 2004

1:10PM - Y@Y

I'm done!
Sorry about the mess.

1:10PM - Y@Y

I'm done!
Sorry about the mess.

1:10PM - Y@Y

I'm done!
Sorry about the mess.

1:10PM - Y@Y

I'm done!
Sorry about the mess.

1:09PM - Y@Y

I'm done!
Sorry about the mess.

1:07PM - Y@Y

I'm done!
Sorry about the mess.

12:59AM - Well...

Everything was looking up for me yesterday, then at 2:30 in the morning, the big 130# dog in the backyard, jumps the gate onto the back deck...Gets himself caught in rope. I go out there in the pouring cold rain, naked, trying to get him untangled, and the sucker bites my right hand, and crushes my pinky knuckle.
I had to have Sandie, take me to the emergency room, and have x-rays taken. Now my hand is in a cast, and I can't work for awhile, and everything I do is with my left hand, and I feel useless, as I can't draw, or work, or play music, or anything constructive, and relaxing for me. So I am slowly going out of my mind right now...with Boredom of all things...And I have a big list of things Sandie wants done, before she gets home Sat. Grr, Why wont life just give me a small fucking break once in a while.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

9:34PM - Arrrr!

Your LJ Pirate Quest by rachelthedemon
Favorite Color
Your First Materayce
Your Cabin Boy/Girljoelacious
Your Bodyguardmostlyevilmisha
The Bad Guy/Girlgelf_girl
Your Obligatory Love Interestsm101
The Fanservicey Onemistressprime
Your Coveted TreasureA recipe for Veal Scallopini
Number of people you kill to get it97,635
Number of times you get laid afterward187
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Friday, August 20, 2004

4:04PM - CHanges

People experience things that change them...
It means leaving others behind...
But first others must set you free...
Even if it means they will be alone...
Those are true friends!

Change is coming!
So don't be suprised.

3:02PM - Thoughts

Sometimes I feel the echo
of that other soul...

Happiness that hurts!

Thursday, August 19, 2004

10:53AM - Bio for game company website.

I have been asked to submit a bio for the DragonDyne publishing website, and I cannot come up with anything cool, So I am asking my friends out there in LJ land, to help me write one. Kinda like a meme..but a little more "memeingful" lol. Just submit a line or two about me, and I'll edit something together. C'mon...it'll be fun..and different. Have fun!

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